Tuesday, 18 March 2008

Feeling glum....

Well I guess this post is a little different from my usual, I am just feeling a little low today and not very inspired. It is funny how you long for a day to yourself and when I get it I miss my boys so much!

I keep thinking of my 3rd son, Thomas. He was born in October 2002, he died whilst I was in premature labour. Everyday he is missed, I can't always talk about him, people don't like to listen so often I have to keep him to myself. I read a poem today that someone posted on a website I run for bereaved parents and for some reason it has really made me sad and miss him more than ever. I hope you don't mind me sharing it with you. I changed a couple of words as the poem was originally written for the first born child, Thomas was my third.

Netzah Eternity

Could I have died so soon?
So soon that my cries were silenced in your womb?
So soon that I'll never touch your breast,
nor feel your hands caress my brow?

So soon that you never got to sigh and cry
Sweet tears of joy,
For your third child,
Your third born boy?

Could I have died so soon?

I suspect not.
For I felt the passion
Of your love around me
As my heartbeats slowed,
Then stopped.

As I lay motionless,
I heard the misery
In your cries that
I would not be born alive

And wondered, why?

Yesterday father, you fathered me.
Today dear mother, you birthed me.
I was there, You were there.
We all stood witness.

I heard your whispers,
That you love me.
I heard you tell each other
How beautiful I was viewed
In my eternal quietude.

I even felt your soft caress
As you held me to your breast.

On this morn, mourn not for me.
With ethereal grace I have a name.
I have a home, I have a life...
To live through all eternity.

I am sorry to be so sad today - it is so silly really. I shall try and distract myself now but before that I will make another post!

Lynda x

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